Address Book Lesson
Who knew a simple chore of transferring addresses to a new book would be so complicated? A few entries completed and I realized this was not merely a task of transferring entries to create an organized address book. Not just data, the entries in this book captured years of changes – family additions, deaths, divorces, and moves; friends who have come, gone, stayed, and strayed; community connections who became friends and those who were transitory. Miscellaneous cards, notes, and documents stuck between pages added context and nostalgia.
An address book as a story of growing older – a reflection of life’s journey. With this new book, I am realizing how much history is lost. Once I transfer only current information, the old is gone and specifics forgotten. Where are the team members I played with when we won our ASA state championship? And who were they? Some, like Susan, came for the season then were gone. Some, like Becky, became long-time friends. So how did I lose Becky? She divorced, remarried, and moved on. Where are the friends I ran thousands of miles with, competed in races all over the northwest with, and ran in my first marathon with? And why can’t I remember their names? And my cycling partner – years of training, racing, and a bike trip to Europe. She is a Christmas card – if she is still living at the same address. Where are the friends from all my educational leadership activities? How can all the passion, commitment, and accomplishments not be represented by names in my book? And the friends I made while working for a stronger and more vibrant community. How is it there is such a void? The list of Nooners – people I danced with three noon hours a week for twelve years, performed at the Hult with, and partied with – is growing slimmer and slimmer as people move, drop connections, and die.
When did I become the last member of my origin family? The lack of names for grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, parents, and siblings tells a story of alone – the loss of family history and connection. What are the stories no longer known and told? The addition of grandchildren’s names tells the story of becoming an elder with the responsibility of holding what otherwise might be lost as well as nurturing those who are creating the ways forward. It tells of new stories created. Is my history of any significance in the creation of new family history?
Perhaps the Address Book Lesson can become one of gratitude rather than loss. I am grateful for life experiences shared with so many different people. I am grateful for the joy, laughter, and knowledge each brought to my life. I am grateful for the people and experiences that contribute to what I’ve accomplished and to who I’ve become. Perhaps the Address Book Lesson is one of cherishing the now rather than wondering what might have been. I can take time to enjoy the people who are in my life now. I can make time and effort to connect and have conversations. I can extend my support when times are difficult and share activities that are fun and renewing. I can create gatherings and events for family and friends to gather and enjoy. I can be present when we have moments together. I can pay attention to what is important to each and make that a part of what I plan for and talk about.
As I work through the address book, I will take time to remember and appreciate the people who will not be entered in my new book. I will take time to wish them well wherever they are and whatever they are doing. I hope I hear of them at some point. As I move entries into my new book, I will take time to appreciate what each person contributes to my life and make plans to let them know how much they mean to me. The Address Book Lesson – be grateful, be present, and be active. The people I know are the essence of a good life and my life, who I’ve become and what I’ve accomplished, reflects the people I’ve known.
“No friendship, however brief, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever.”
